Feb 19 2009
On this problem’s lack of core structure
Just now I thought about how absolutely impossible it is to gauge one’s own mental health. Sometimes it’s impossible for your therapist to do that as well. I had a conversation with S the other night about how I’m pretty unhappy with my current therapist and have been thinking about seeing someone else. But I’m having trouble determining the crux of the therapist problem: is it that he’s always late and often cancels, and waxes authoritative about Freud and The Pleasure Principle and tells me that, at my young age, it’s only natural that I should want to take up with other pleasure seeking beings, i.e. dykes? Or is it that I make such a valiant effort to conceal my ambivalence about the situation because he also sees my (soon-to-be-ex) husband and I just can’t stand to appear to be the person in The Most Torment, that it’s impeding the therapy process? I think I need a closed space in which to feel like a freak. Right now I don’t feel like I can do this with impunity.
